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"Stew"
Incest Survivor Case Study
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Names and other
identifying facts have
been changed.
Any
similarity to person's
living or dead is purely
coincidental. |
I'm going to four months
in the womb. His mother
was really tired, very
controlling. She was
dreading having another
boy, she wanted a little
girl. She really didn't
want a child at all at
this time, but a girl
would have been better
than a boy.
His mother was saying after he was born,
"He's just like his
father, Stew is just
like his father."
He copied his father.
He had his father's
personality. His father
was kind of a show off
and a clown and, at
times, was quiet and
withdrawn. I'm seeing
that Stew's father was a
closet homosexual, he
was very attracted to
men. He did have some
homosexual relationships
before the marriage.
As far as his boys were
concerned, both of them
were sexually attracted
to them because they
were boys. Stew's
father worked hard to
hide this sexual
attraction, and tried to
eliminate men from his
life by marrying early
because he didn't want
the stigma of being
gay. He was really
pushing his feelings
down under and if he got
married, felt that there
wouldn't be the
temptation. He could
somehow make the sex
with a female good, the
way he did with a male.
Stew's father was
extremely image
conscious. It was the
60's, and being openly
gay would be a real
embarrassment, a real
negative stigma. He
also felt the needed to
have someone take care
of him emotionally,
someone stronger, a
woman. He felt that a
man couldn't take care
of him emotionally or
keep him stable. His
relationships with men
were more for thrills.
They were unique kinds
of experiences that
couldn't be lasting
things. He couldn't
picture himself like
being married or living
with a man.
When his first son was
born he had a flash. In
the back of his mind,
he thought he could do
what he did with men
with his son when he got
older. He quickly put
the thought out of his
mind but had this
intention and desire.
He kept this pretty well
hidden but it looks like
by the time his older
son was about three, he
began sexually abusing
him. He would get very
strong sexual urges
towards his son and act
on them.
On the outside, all this
was buried. Nobody was
going to know about this
and he believed it was
"okay" and "harmless."
On top, Stew's father
was personable and
likable, and you
wouldn't suspect that he
had this compulsion or
homosexual urges. He
saw his compulsion and
the sex with his son as
fulfilling a need and an
excitement that he could
have at anytime. He
could have it without
taking chances, without
going outside the
marriage. It was safe,
not like picking up a
strange man and risking
getting some kind of a
disease. He felt he
couldn't take that
chance, but had this
real inner excitement in
his 1st and 2nd energy
centers. His son could
be all this for him.
He was telling himself
that in order to be in
balance it was good to
have sex with both men
and women. It was like
yang and yin. The women
are stronger and the men
are more passive. The
thrill he would get from
other men he believed
made him more open and
aggressive. And it
looks like Stew's father
was also sexually abused
by his mother, but he
ran from her and felt
she was very
controlling. He feels
that his wife is
similarly controlling.
She is the more powerful
one. She is the more
controlling one. That's
why he is not as open
sexually, and closes
down in her presence.
Then, he doesn't have
the excitement or
feeling of openness that
he had when during
homosexual encounters.
Stew's father was very
excited about Stew being
a boy. Subconsciously,
he knew his baby was a
boy long before he and
his wife consciously
found out. He wanted to
have another baby and
was telling himself it
would be good to have
another boy because they
could play together.
His wife wanted a girl
because she felt that a
girl would be easier to
handle, a girl would be
more passive.
Stew in the womb
It looks like at four
months in the womb Stew
was drawn to his
father's energy.
Subconsciously, his
father was very excited
about him and about the
possibility of having a
strong connection and
relationship with him.
Not necessarily sexual,
actually, yes, sexual,
because that's what he
was feeling and thinking
in the back of his mind
but it was more a
feeling connection, a
heart connection.
He could relate better
to a boy, and feel good
about a boy. Whereas,
if the baby was a girl
he would be more
restrained, more
closed. He didn't think
of it in these words, it
was more a feeling he
had like with his wife.
With her, he believed he
was more closed down and
that was in response to
where she was at. It
was also because his
wife was subconsciously
rejecting men and had
hatred of men, Stew's
father e was really
reacting to that and
then on top of that, he
had his own subconscious
patterns of preferring
men because of his own
mother's control and
abuse. He was
energetically going away
from his mother and
gravitated toward his
father. He felt
inadequate in relation
to his wife but knew he
wouldn't feel inadequate
in relation to his sons.
Spitfire
This is in relation to
the older son. He was
acting-out at three
years old, was like a
lunatic, doing crazy,
off the wall things. He
couldn't be trusted
alone even for a
minute. With Stew's mom
being pregnant and
having this little
monster running around,
she was dreading having
another child.
By six months into the
pregnancy, she knew or
sensed that Stew was a
boy and felt very
disheartened. She
decided that didn't want
to have any more
children, two was
enough. She was telling
herself that two was all
they could afford and
she wanted a girl. She
was afraid if she tried
to get pregnant again,
she might have another
boy. That she did not
want.
Stew's mother was also
jealous of the
connection that her
husband had with their
older boy. The child
was only three years
old, but his father had
definite attraction and
preference for men
energetically, and his
wife felt this and it
translated into a
rejection of her. She
saw her husband being
more open with this
little boy, more than he
was ever open with her.
He would play with him,
hold him, and openly
care about him, she was
jealous of that.
Secure
I'm looking to see where
Stew's older brother is
in relation to his
parents. It seems like
he is more connected to
his mother, more in
agreement with his
mother, and
energetically running
from his father. He is
actually running from
his father's strong
attachment and
attraction to him. He
is running to his
mother, but I see that
his mother has a "wall"
up and is not willing to
genuinely give to him or
let down her energetic
wall or let some
positive emotions to
come out, She is
extremely structured.
Stew's brother is
running to his mother,
but then he gets stopped
short by her coldness
and lack of depth.
This boy has no outlet
for his anger and
frustration in relation
to his father's psychic
and energetic advances
towards him. Now, at
three years old, his
father's physical abuse
made him totally angry,
off the wall, doing
anything to get
attention. The acting
out is in reaction to
his father, but also
very much to get his
mother to make some kind
of a real connection
with him because she is
refusing to do that.
This is occurring when
she is about six months
pregnant with Stew.
She is on edge and
emotionally a basket
case. Nothing is
working out, she is
feeling just totally
overwhelmed by her one
child and the thought of
having another one is
pushing her over the
edge. Stew, as a six
month fetus, because of
his mother's thoughts
and feelings is
energetically going
toward his father. He
is running from his
mother, running from
everything that he is
feeling from her; her
rejection, craziness,
and control.
So here, I was about to
call Stew "Ted" again.
He is reluctant,
reaching out toward his
father because he feels
that sometimes he feels
good things from his
father, but then he also
feels the energy of his
tremendous sexual
perversion and backs
away from that. That
energy makes him feel
very uncomfortable and
strange.
Angry energy
His mother is so
frustrated and angry all
the time, really
stressed out , and that
makes him feel like he
needs some relief. That
is why he puts his
attention out toward his
father. I'm seeing him
energetically hooking
into his father;
actually angrily hooking
into his father saying,
"Help me!"
From a very early age,
Stew strongly wanted to
please his father and I
remember, I think it was
this other young gay,
Ted, saying to me that
he wanted to have a
vagina or he was jealous
of his mother's vagina.
I just got a flash of
the same thing here with
Stew. As he got older,
there was this deep
inner thing of wanting
to be one with his
father, wanting to
please his father,
wanting to be just, this
feeling that he wanted
his father in his heart,
in him and inside of
him, and if he had a
vagina he could do that,
that would happen.
I'm getting the sense of
this because of the
feeling of wanting to
get away from his
mother, here in the
womb. Not that it was
sexual, but just wanting
to be kind of enveloped
by his father, enveloped
with a different kind of
energy than his mother's
energy. So he had a
very strong urge going
to his father while
inside the womb.
He would feel his
father's excitement
about him coming into
the world and being
close to him and, when
he felt that Stew wanted
to really be with his
father. On the other
hand, he felt his
mother's dread and a
feeling of
self-sacrificing, having
to sacrifice herself for
him, to take care of
him, to give him birth,
to carry him. So having
a baby really was a
burden, a tedious job,
and baby Stew felt all
this in relation to his
mother. He felt her
rejection and that he
was a real problem. In
contrast to the
welcoming excitement he
was feeling from his
father.
End of Peek []
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