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"Allen"
Incest Survivor
Case Study
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Names and other
identifying facts have
been changed.
Any
similarity to person's
living or dead is purely
coincidental. |
Hi Allen. In
this scan, I
have written
down words, I
have gone back
in time to when
the sexual abuse
started, before
the actual
sexual abuse
started. I have
gotten words, I
have written
down the words
and the words
key me into
situations and
choices and
thoughts and
experiences
Allen that you
have had over
the years.
As I was tuning
into you, I was
getting that you
are extremely
nervous, you
don't want to
hear about the
sexual abuse,
you are very
afraid of your
mother and
somewhere you
don't want to
know consciously
because of this
fear of your
mother and
because of the
humiliation and
all the
humiliation that
you feel it
would bring up.
You feel like
you have buried
it and so you
can live without
it but you
cannot really
live with that
constant
humiliation.
As I was going
into your 16th
year with the
words, I was
hearing you say
on this other
level or even a
conscious level,
"This never
happened, this
never happened,"
denial, "This
couldn't have
happened, I
would know it if
it happened."
I feel a lot of
nervousness.
Then, what I was
reading in you
is, "I can't let
it happen." I
am asking you
what? Let what
happen? You
cannot let the
truth come out.
You are saying,
"It is too
humiliating and
horrible.”
However, it is
too horrible
when the truth
does not come
out. If you
were willing to
acknowledge and
deal with the
actual truth of
what happened
you could put it
in the past.
However, if you
keep denying it
and pushing it
down it will
always stay with
you.
I am going to
begin now at 2
years old. I
will say a
keyword that
comes to me, and
then describe
what I am seeing
in relation to
that word,
seeing in you
about your life.
Two-years-old
the first word
that I am
getting is
lonely. I am
seeing you very
lonely, your
mother also very
lonely. It
seems like when
your mother had
you and she was
very frustrated
about her
marriage. Her
marriage was
almost
non-existence in
the sense that
she did not want
to be with your
father. In
addition, it
seems that your
mother is has a
very, a real
hatred towards
men, really
anger and
hatred. She was
projecting that
anger on to you,
she was angry
with you at
two-years-old
and the feeling
I am getting is
total
frustration and
spanking you and
hitting you and
shaking you and
trying to get
you to be
different from
the way you
were.
Insecure.
I am seeing a
tremendous
amount of
insecurity and
you wanting your
mother to accept
you, you wanting
your mother's
love. I am
seeing from the
very beginning
of your life
your mother did
not love, she
was angry, she
was very
frustrated and
just and didn't
like her life
and didn't like
her children.
She took out her
frustrations on
her children and
it looks like
she took out her
anger on her
children and
from what I can
see, her sexual
frustrations.
Because your
mother was like
this, you in a
sense took it
personally that
she did not love
you and she did
not care about
you and she
would do
whatever she
could to hurt
you really. I
am not seeing
your father
being around;
I'm not seeing
you able to get
support from
your father. So
you were feeling
alone and
isolated and
really very
insecure.
Benevolent.
Your mother saw
herself as being
benevolent. She
saw herself as a
giving person,
as giving to
you, always
giving, and
never getting
anything in
return. She saw
that with the
other children
too. She always
took care of
everyone and she
never really was
taken care of
herself. She
really wanted to
be taken care of
and it seems
like your father
really did not
want to take
care of her. He
was more passive
and somehow she
said that she
wanted somebody
stronger but she
really did not
because she
wanted somebody
to control. She
felt that she
did not have any
support in many
ways raising her
children. She
felt that she
was the giving
one, she was the
benevolent one,
but she resented
that. She
resented her
children and
having to take
care of them.
Running.
Here I see you
already starting
a pattern of
running, running
from your
reality, really
spacing out.
Not that you
would not do
anything, you
would space out
by being
hyperactive
active. You
would space out
by doing just
crazy
non-coherent
kinds of
things. The
more you did
this the more
frustrated your
mother would get
with you.
Spacey.
So here again,
you would be
spacey and I am
seeing that your
mother would do
the same thing.
She would really
space out on
things and like
leaving a pot on
the burner and
burning
something, just
not being
there. When she
would see you
doing the same
type of things
it would just
infuriate her.
Distance.
You began
becoming very
distant from her
and she took
this as being
rejected, she
took this as you
rejecting her.
Where all you
were trying to
do was to get
away from her
hostile kind of
energy.
Shake him.
She used to
shake you to try
to get you to
come back, you
used to space
out and like
daydream and not
be there. She
would shake you
and just try to
get you to come
back and even
slap you and try
to get you to
come back. She
would be afraid
of what she was
seeing of you
just not being
there, it was
almost as if you
were dead or
something.
I am going to
four-years-old
now and the
first word is
discouraged. I
am seeing the
sexual abuse
starting at
about age 4,
maybe even a
little earlier
just before age
4. I'm seeing
your mother very
discouraged
about her
situation,
discouraged
about her life,
very down,
feeling sorry
for herself.
This was a
period when she,
she could have
been alone,
where she
certainly felt
like she was
alone. This was
the start of the
sexual abuse
with you. I am
going to see if
I can describe
how the sexual
abuse happened.
The next words I
am getting are
at night.
Neil told me
about the
recurring dream
you have, and I
thought it was
very
significant. I
saw the
experience of
your mother
coming into the
room. I saw it
as a way of you
seeing that one
thing and then
blocking
everything else
out. You seeing
her coming into
the room and
then totally
spacing out,
totally blanking
yourself out
because you knew
that. You were
afraid of her
and she would
come into your
room with sexual
feelings, sexual
desires,
frustrations,
and wanting to
satisfy them.
This would throw
you into a
panic. You
would either
pretend you were
asleep or
mentally block
out the
experience.
Delinquent.
You saw this as
a punishment and
it was because I
am not seeing
any loving
feelings here
with your mother
or close
feelings; it is
more frustration
and anger. That
is where her
sexual feelings
are coming out
of frustration
and anger.
Somehow, she
wanted to make
you be a good
boy. She was
feeling sorry
for herself and
thinking that
you were feeling
sorry for
yourself. I am
seeing her
fondling you and
holding you and
feeling sorry
for herself. I
am also seeing
her sucking on
your penis at
this young age,
and saying, “It
will be all
right.” I see
her hitting you,
then, being
angry and
aggressive, and
then, trying to
make up by doing
sexual things.
It was a double
whammy of
aggression and
doing more harm
thinking the sex
was soothing
you.
Ravaging.
I am tuning into
your sister at
this time and
your mother's
feelings and her
total feeling of
being out of
control and her
anger and
sexuality. It
seems that your
sister was
copying your
mother and she
was frustrated.
I am seeing your
mother being
aggressive with
your sister and
your mother
seemed to be in
competition with
your sister and
your sister in
competition with
your mother.
Sister love.
Right from the
start, I am
seeing your
sister copying
your mother by
being aggressive
with you and
having to take
care of you,
babysitting for
you. I am
getting right
from the start I
see her taking
out her
aggressions on
you and I see
you acting out a
lot and her
disciplining
you. I am
seeing her
babysitting you
a lot.
Baby
sitting/manipulating.
I'm seeing you at
about age 4.
Your sister is
having sexual
fantasies and is
trying to enact
them with you.
She was
manipulating you
and
subconsciously
copying her
mother.
I am not seeing
that she knew
that your mother
was sexually
abusing you.
However, your
sister was in
competition with
your mother and
I am seeing her
having the same
kind of feelings
and urges that
your mother has
and trying to
get you to do
what she wanted
you to do.
End of Peek []
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