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"Joyce"
Incest Survivor
Case Study
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Names and other
identifying facts have
been changed.
Any
similarity to person's
living or dead is purely
coincidental. |
I'm going to start out in a
general way with Joyce and look
at her generally in present time
and then go back to the womb.
When we first met Joyce she was
running, running with this young
man. She's about 25, and in a
very crazy head space. Extremely
spaced out, doing a lot of pot,
not eating hardly anything. She
was very, extremely skinny and
very pretty. She was pretty much
out of her body, in a lot of
illusion, thinking that her
grandmother was doing mean
things to her psychically and
remotely. It turned out to be
stories which were not true,
made up stories she mentally
indulged in.
In her illusions, she saw
herself as a princess and her
boyfriend as a prince. She would
live these fantasies out in her
head. She sees her life like a
romance novel, at least, that is
the way it was when we met her.
She sees her past as something
horrible, but also glamorous. It
was a battle that she fought and
won. She tells herself that she
is better off for it being that
way.
We spent a week with Joyce and
Robin. During that time, Joyce
was not giving a true picture of
herself, or being honest about
what she was thinking. She did
not express about any of her
illusions. She did not have
money or food to eat, claimed
that she could live on air, and
did not need a lot to eat. It
was glamorous for her to be thin
and she refused to put on any
weight.
She saw herself as a Renaissance
person, maybe reincarnated from
the Renaissance, and was living
that out. She was also living in
that past period in her mind.
She was rarely present where she
was in this modern period. She
would have dark dreams and many
fears that people were going to
find her and kill her. She had a
lot of very far out mental
things that she never shared and
we never got to. She came across
as soft and feminine. However,
there was a stubborn, defiant,
angry hard part in her that
would not budge, and she covered
this over with an aura of
softness and innocence.
Robin would cater to her, but
she kept very much to herself
most of the time. It was as if
the world was against them, the
two of them were together, and
the outside world was out to get
them and they had to keep
running.
I'm going to start now with
Joyce's mother. She was pretty;
her father was extremely
possessive and jealous. Her
mother was angry and very sexual
with men. She could not get
enough of men. She was
aggressive sexually with her
husband and many other men
before and after him. She
cheated on him and would go from
one man to another, even when
she was pregnant she was with
other men.
During her pregnancy, she was on
street drugs, would try to get
off them, go into withdrawal,
then go back again. She would
also drink alcohol. Seems like
she was fairly young and Joyce
was probably her first child.
Her mother was acting out a lot
sexually craving sex, was very
active. She felt it was a real
bummer to get pregnant. She knew
it was bad to drink and do drugs
while she was pregnant, but felt
she could not help it.
Her conscious thought was that
she did not want to have a
child; it was going to be a
burden. Subconsciously, she did
want a child, but felt
non-deserving.
She felt that no one loved her
and never loved anyone else.
However, she did feel that she
could love a child. When Joyce
was conceived she subconsciously
felt good, “Here is someone I
can love.” Her husband did not
want the child, he was angry
about it consciously and
subconsciously.
Two months in the womb.
Joyce, as an unborn baby, had a
gentle feel about her. She was
just beginning to wake up in a
conscious way, feeling herself
and experiencing herself.
Experiencing her little body
being formed but in a
non-coherent way. Her mother was
non-coherent because of drugs
she was taking. She was
disoriented and this effected
her embryo at two months.
This baby was living in
embryonic fluid, and her mother
was taking drugs and drinking
alcohol. I see Joyce
experiencing waves of dullness
and lethargy.
I am now going to four months in
the womb.
The baby is disoriented again.
Her mother has no direction.
Looks like at this time, her
mother may have been living with
the baby’s father, who comes and
goes.
Her mother felt that because she
was pregnant, she could just lie
around, do nothing, and be taken
care of. This was an excuse
because she was not working
before; telling herself there
were no jobs. The truth is she
had no willingness or ambition
to do anything.
This little embryo was afraid,
afraid for her life, and sensing
the danger of her mother's
condition. Her mother did not
eat well and was not properly
nourishing herself. This
explains why Joyce was very
small and frail when she was
born. She did not get enough
nourishment, between her mother
not eating properly and
indulging drugs and alcohol,
which were taking nutrients out
of her system. Her mother was
also smoking, coughing, and
wheezing, and her embryo was
negatively affected by the smoke
and chemicals as well.
Joyce was born in a frail
physical condition. She was
small and skinny. It looks like
today as a young woman; Joyce
has taken on wanting to be
extremely thin from her mother.
Her mother was very thin, did
not want to eat.
Six months in the womb.
I'm seeing her mother being
extremely agitated, nervous, and
upset. Joyce wants out, wants to
get away from her mother. She is
feeling angry in the womb, and
wanting to get away and escape.
It is not that she knew that
there was any place to go, but
emotionally she was running
away. She did not feel there was
any safe place, and had no
control over her environment.
She did not know when her mother
was going to take another drug,
drink alcohol, or have another
cigarette. Or, do something
that will upset her and disturb
the physical balance in her
body.
Her father was intrusive with
her mother wanted to have a lot
of sex. She ran herself on
sexual feelings that were not
appropriate. However, during the
pregnancy, she was feeling
repulsed by sex. This was very
abnormal for her and she did not
want her husband to come near
her because she had a baby
inside of her. However,
having this child was opening
her mother up to many
subconscious, previously
suppressed, or repressed,
negative feelings. Her repulsion
of sex and men had to do the
sexual abuse she had endured by
her own father.
I had a question. Would not the
drugs she was taking have opened
her up to those feelings? What I
am seeing is that the drugs
actually brought her away from
her sexual area, and up into her
head or above her head. That
enabled her to have a lot of sex
with out having any real honest
feelings in relation to it.
The pregnancy opened her up in
that sexual area: opened her
second energy center, which
naturally opened to feed energy
to the developing baby, causing
the mother to consciously feel
all of her previously suppressed
feelings about sexuality.
Joyce was hiding as much as she
could within herself, with the
feeling of wanting to get away,
get out, runaway from her
experience. At six, seven eight,
and nine months, in the womb,
Joyce was, psychologically, just
like a fully developed one-year
old infant. She was aware of and
understood the psychological
energies of her parents and
others close by, she was aware
of images and knew what they
meant. She was aware that
certain thoughts that her mother
was having and enacting, (like
anger, jealousy, or taking a
drink, or wanting a drug), meant
pain for her.
A scientific research study
showed that a fetus would
respond emotionally to his
mother just thinking about
having a cigarette. When her
mother smoked a cigarette, the
inhaled smoke lowered the oxygen
level in her blood and it became
discomforting, sometimes
painful. I am seeing that her
drinking and the drugs created a
similar painful experience. So
the fetus in the experiment
would psychically anticipate
when her mother was thinking
about having a cigarette. If it
didn't happen, the fetus would
be relieved.
Sometimes this pressure was
fairly steady, there was also
the anticipation of never
knowing when it was actually
going to happen. This was giving
this little fetus in the womb
mixed messages and confusing
messages. The struggle her
mother was having with the drugs
and the alcohol translated into
emotional and sometimes physical
pain for this baby in her womb.
I'm going now to nine months in
the womb and the first words are
crazy and drugs all around. Even
though Joyce's mother was trying
to stay off drugs, she was in
the company of people who were
using drugs. This was constant
except for when she would
isolate herself and feel
depressed and alone.
It was also hard for her to stay
off drugs because her husband
was abusing drugs. It probably
was cocaine, he was speeding,
wanting to party, and wanting
her to party. As the pregnancy
went on, she could not party,
and he would blame her for not
going out with him.
End of Peek []
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