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"Kali"
Incest Survivor Case Study
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Names and other
identifying facts have
been changed.
Any
similarity to person's
living or dead is purely
coincidental. |
Kali is of oriental descent. She is in her early
twenties. She's got long dark hair, is very pretty, and seems soft. I'm
looking at her clairvoyantly. I’m seeing something else; she’s actually
hard, closed and defiant. There is an undercurrent of anger in her. She's
runs on her anger and often feels indignant and put upon.
I’m seeing that Kali feels rejected—it’s actually
a double thing. She feels rejected because she is oriental. And, she feels
rejected because she’s a lesbian.
But, as I look deeper, her indignation has more to
do with her father and her childhood than with any social issue or present
time situation. Her present time experiences light up much older
experiences and the indignation she feels toward her father.
I'm going to read her relationship with her father
starting
when she was a young child…
Kali felt that her father had an iron grip on her
and her two sisters. She felt that he was impossible to deal with. He was
extremely rigid and he imposed a lot of ideas on her relating to what she
should do and how she should be.
I’m seeing that sexual abuse in her home was
considered to be almost natural, a natural part of life. In fact, both
parents were sexual with their children, and the three girls frequently had
sex with each other growing up.
Her father was sexual with her and her two
sisters. He treated them as concubines. That was just the way it was. It
feels to me like it was considered a tradition. Her father's belief was
that in oriental homes this is the way. Female children are subject to
anything their father desires. Their job is to obey and comfort him. They
are there to satisfy him and his desires.
As Kali and her sisters got older, her father
preferred being with them sexually to being with his wife. His wife knew
this and became extremely jealous. She felt rejected, alone and left out.
I’m seeing that this woman didn't even see it as
her husband doing something wrong with his daughters. As far as Kali's
mother was concerned, her husband wasn’t valuing her and she felt insulted.
She sees her husband as cruel--emotionally cruel—not just to her but to her
daughters as well. But, sadly, his behavior is something that the family
must endure.
I’m reading some of her mothers’ ideas:
A
man's will comes first. A man's pleasure comes first. These ideas are
very strong in her. This mentality is a part of the culture her mother
grew up in.
ABUSE
It appears that her father sexually abused Kali
from the time she was six years old until a little past puberty.
I'm seeing him frequently engaging in anal sex
with his daughter. This made Kali feel humiliated, insulted, and treated
like an animal not a woman. It angered her and made her indignant.
TOMBOY
Her father would always tell her: "You're my boy. You're not like the
other girls. You're my boy."
Even though she had long hair, I'm seeing that
when Kali got to High School she got a boy’s haircut. Her feeling behind
getting her hair cut short was defiance in relation to her father. But,
also, it was an action that sprang from an inner hopelessness. She felt
that it was impossible for her to be like a women, to be like many of her
girlfriends. She cried profusely during and after the haircut. Then, she
became intensely angry.
She couldn't understand why she was different from
many of her girlfriends. They were attracted to boys, she wasn’t. They
wanted to have sex with boys, she ran from sex. She was very shy and
introverted around boys or men, and feels like hiding and crying whenever a
boy starts coming on to her.
DEFIANT
She was always very much against her father, and once he stopped sexually
abusing her and she was in High School, she did a lot of things to spite
him. Cutting her hair was one, even though he said that she was “his boy,”
he wanted her to have long hair. He would tease about her being his boy,
but didn’t want Kali to act or look like a boy. The underneath feeling in
his teasing was degrading.
In her mind, Kali would frequently defy her
father. She would psychically project the energy of negative thoughts and
feelings toward him. It was usually angry energy. Because there was no way
she could physical control or strike out at him, she resorted to attempting
to control, manipulate, and, strike out at him covertly in psychic-energetic
subconscious ways.
She would sass him back in her mind. He had set
himself up as the Rule Maker; in her mind, Kali could break his rules. She
would do it her way not her father's way, in her mind. Although there were
numerous things that she was required to do his way, while doing them, she
would tell herself: I'm not doing this.
I'm going to see what the relationship with her
and her
mother was like…
At times, Kali consciously felt as if she didn't
have a mother because her focus was so much on her father who infuriated her
and drove her to defiance. But, I'm seeing her in very strong agreement
with her mother. Much of that agreement resulted in shared ideas about how
her father was cruel, emotionally cruel.
CLINGING
I see Kali clinging to her mother, being fixated differently than she was on
her father. Her fixation with her mother was an underneath one, almost
totally subconscious.
Her mother was always trying to pacify her. She'd
say: "It's all right, your father means well. He wants you to be good.
He wants you to grow up first-rate."
I’m seeing that her mother felt sexual toward
Kali's while she was a young infant. She would hold her and rock her, and,
basically, feel sorry for herself. She often was feeling alone, rejected,
and in need of a warm emotional-sexual experience. Her husband was too hard
and closed for her to have such an experience. It was all one-sided. She
always had to do for him. Always had to give to him. That was it.
He refused to be emotionally open and was
unwilling to give in sexual or emotional ways. He felt that was beneath
him. It was beneath his dignity. He was a man. He should always be in
control. Letting out any emotion, besides anger, meant that he was weak.
He could never allow that.
NEW WAY
I'm seeing her mother passionately kissing and sucking on her daughter’s
vagina while she was changing her. This seems to have been happening before
Kali was one year old.
Her mother told herself it's good to open up the
girls. It's good to open them up to good feelings. She was telling herself
that their culture made girls inadequate emotionally when it came to opening
up sexually to a man. They weren’t taught how to love, instead, they were
encouraged to be closed. So, her mother was saying to herself that she
was going to make her daughters open and sexual so that they could live a
modern life. She didn’t want them to have to live the old way. She wanted
her daughters to find American men, not marry to a man of their own race.
This was all on top. I’m seeing a deeper, more
direct reason for her mother’s sexual abuse. It related to her husband and
her own father before him.
End of Peek []
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