Meryl has a very tough exterior
but as I’m looking at her
clairvoyantly I’m seeing that
she has a tremendous amount of
fear, bottled up fear that's
holding her all in.
Physically she looks like a
tough angry person and doesn’t
show her fear. She's appears
solid and masculine. But
I'm not seeing the anger, just a
tremendous amount of fear.
I'm going to take a look at this
fear and see where it stems
from.
The first thing that I'm getting
is harsh beatings from her
father, humiliation from her
father, putting her down.
He was belligerent with her from
a very early age. Right
now I'm seeing her cringing at
about four years old. Meryl was
heavyset early on also.
She inherited her father's
physical features and
stockiness. She was born
with a physical stockiness, but
she has added to that by locking
herself into fear, and I'm
seeing anger under the fear
also. Basically, well, I'm
seeing rebellion now too, but
there's so much fear.
When I tune into Meryl I get an
extremely panicky feeling.
It is unusual that someone I
tune into should have so much
panic. Her whole body
seems to be filled with this
panic. When I first saw
this group of girls I wrote down
brief readings on them.
I'm going to read what I saw
about Meryl. I got tough,
masculine, angry, insecure,
rebellious, on her own at age
16, drawn to a group of
lesbians, not this group but
another group earlier in her
life. She's
self-sacrificing, deliberate;
she hates her mother she wants
to be like her father. She
was sexually abused by her
father her uncle and her older
brother, very afraid choked up
with fear, embodiment of her
father in some way, very
unhappy, and she holds a grudge.
That’s what I wrote down, my
first impressions. I'm
seeing a lot of abuse by her
father, uncle and older brother.
I'm going to take a look at
this.
Meryl mother wasn’t around a lot
and she had no protection from
her father. He sexually abused
Meryl and beat her and he also
beat his wife. This child
had nowhere to turn it was a
difficult situation for her.
And Meryl’s encounters with her
father, uncle and older brother
gave her an extremely traumatic
experience. Her father was
also angry and violent.
I’m seeing that she moved away
from home to her uncle’s and he
then sexually abused her.
Her older brother copied her
father in his violence and
striking out, so it looks like
she was getting it from all
sides.
Meryl’s whole life is built on
fear and avoidance, fear of the
next moment. Her fears
were getting suppressed and she
was telling herself, "Well this
is all right, that's okay, this
doesn't feel so bad, that
doesn't feel so bad. I got
through that one okay."
And she would ride above her
fear and almost not feel it.
She was numbing herself like
somebody in a war zone, just
trying to get through the war,
just trying to stay alive.
And so she didn’t feel the real
danger until she was out of it.
So she numbed herself and she is
still numb. She never
really came out of the situation
and is living in this tremendous
accumulation of fear.
I'm seeing that she's repressed
a lot of the sexual abuse,
doesn't seem to be consciously
aware of most of what happened.
But, but she didn't suppress the
meanness, the harshness and the
beatings. And she believes
that this is why she feels so
insecure, why she feels on edge
all the time, nervous all the
time. I'm seeing the
smoking has to do with the
nervousness. She smokes to
try to elevate this tremendous
nervousness, which is an
accumulation of choice after
choice of being afraid, actually
terrified, and not expressing it
but repressing it and pretending
that it doesn't exist. So
with this woman I'm seeing an
extremely traumatic life
experience. I'm going to
start reading her energy
centers.
